At the zoo, all joy and fun, mama
Mama can I feed the seals, please please
Please. But there’s only one fish and two seals
Mama why did you hit me I only bit the
Fish in half so I could feed them both.
The house is so lonely these days,
I wish I could leave it but I can’t,
Too scared, too shaky, wife and family
All gone, I really hate being alone
Sitting in the hospital room drinking
Water out of one of those cheap plastic
Pitchers. My best friends gone, I’ll miss
You dad, well at least I won’t have to
Sit here anymore.
Here I sit on the park bench, I wonder
Where all the time has gone. Check out all
The birds on the telephone line, Its so
Weird bird, bird, bird – space bird, bird
Space, space, bird, bird space, and so it
Goes all the way down the line
I sure wish someone wouldn’t have
Shot all those missing birds
*Dedicated to: The Dreamers,
My brother inmates, and all those
Who dream of freedom
Once I was in a place where all things
Once I was in a place where a person
Had no limits and could reach for the sky
Once I was in a place where there was
Adventure around every corner
Where safety and security was wherever you
Made it so.
Once I was in a place where food and drink
Was abundant, where people smiled and laughed
With you, not at you.
Where hope was eternal, and love and
Peace was yours if you wanted it.
This place was not in a dream, and it was
Not heaven, it was as real as this day.
I was in this place once, where is this
Land of wonder you ask?
Why it’s just on the other side of this fence
Winter winds can fan the embers, bitter cold can
Kill the flame.
I’ve seen the spark of life within us, I’ve watched
From the distance a violent blaze
Never have I felt the heat of life’s passion
I’ve always lived life outside the circle,
To have been in its light, but never its warmth.
Love has always been the iceberg which destroyed
When I was young I could see the sparks, but
Icy tendrils always encumbered my soul.
Now life is short, and my heart feels
Like cold winter embers, no heat left, no spark to kindle
Just once in this life I would have loved to feel
The heat from inside the circle and its warm embrace.
But now and forever all I have left is the
Encircling comfort of the cold
Journal Entry Oct, 28, 2018
This may be the final entry in this journal. What I am about to telly ou, you probably won’t believe, but I swear it’s all true, at least I believe it is.
I’ve been waking up in this same rack to the same bunkie and same neighbors for the past 730 days. Bunk A-83 of Ontario House, Lake Erie Correctional Facility, that’s my home. For the past 2 years I’ve lived the same boring life day in and day out, the same rotten food, the same hard bed, the same bullshit T.V., and the same dejected faces, day, after, day, after day. That is until this morning.
I woke up around 6am my usual time, but that was where all similarities ended. Today when I woke up I opened my eyes to the once familiar surroundings of that which I had so longed for, for the past 2 plus years. Those old familiar trappings of my very own bedroom leaped out at my like a dream come true.
I literally shook my head to clear the proverbial cobwebs. I gingerly got out of bed and like a man touching a stove to see if it is hot I gently went about the room feeling everything to see if they were real.
Then my eyes rested on what was the most wonderful sight of all, there on my bed was my beloved dog, Dakota, the pet who I had to have my family put to sleep just after my first year in prison. And there she was lying there sleepy eyed in her old familiar place on my bed. Tears of joy filled my eyes, could this really be true? Had it all been a dream? But how could it have been so real, I could still remember the pain and loss I felt at losing her. And what of all the friends and acquaintances I had made. All the faces I remember seeing just yesterday. All of them good or bad was all of it just a figment of my imagination from a drug or alcohol induced sleep?
I thought about it for a while and decided to search out some of my prison friends on the Internet.
I spent hours but it just didn’t make sense, I could find none of them on social media. These people I ate with, walked with, talked with and at times laughed with, not a single name could be found. I was about to give up when it had occurred to me that I had forgotten to look up my best friend. When I put his full name into the computer I felt a wave of disbelief wash over my like a tidal wave. It seemed as if there was a break in my reality. What I was looking at was my friend’s obituary notice. The fact that he was gone was at first of great but normal concern, the thing that my mind could not comprehend was that date of this notice, Oct, 28, 2013. It said that my friend has been one of 128 victims of a dormitory fire at Lake Erie Correction Institute.That was 3 years before I had even set foot in that God forsaken facility. What I saw on the following page froze my heart in my chest. There was a picture of a group photo taken at an institute function and there standing in the second row was my friend but what really struck me with terror was that the person in the first row that he was standing behind was me.
Now I tell you all this with my hand on the Bible, so you make of it what you will. I still don’t know what to think and probably never will figure it out, so here I will end my story, it’s getting late, I’m tired and I think they will be bringing my medication soon, I don’t like to miss my meds.
I like this place a lot. I’ve made some good friends here, especially my best friend it seems like we have always been friends like I’ve known him from somewhere before. Goodbye.
The following excerpt was written by Karl A. Meier, patient #691843 of Laurelwood Psychiatric Hospital since October 28, 2001:
Oct, 28, 2019
This may be the final entry in this journal, what I am about to tell you, you probably won’t believe, but I swear it’s all true, as least I believe it is.
Karl Meier was incarcerated on Oct, 28th, 2016.
His dog Dakota was born on June 28, 2007.
Dakota was put to rest on Oct 28, 2017.
This story was written on Oct, 28, 2018.
When you look at a rainbow what do you see?
Are the colors as pungent and sad as they are to me.
Reds for my rage my anger and pain for the
Things I have lost since I’ve been in this place.
Blue is the sadness and grief that
Dwells in my heart for the people long
Gone between now back to the
Green is the envy I hold near and dear
Towards all those who leave and get
Out of here.
Yellow’s the sunshine that burns out
My eyes, when I look up and see it but
My freedom’s denied
Those colors of beauty give no hope to
Me. It ook the blackness of this storm
To help clearly see.
View by Author