The Spiritualist (Beyond Fantasy Explained)
By: E.L. I am a spiritualist but most of my friends don't know that about me. I often mention my guardians in my writings. The positive and negative energies that push and pull on everything, causing all things to have a continuous movement even though by the naked eye it appears to be still. The red orbs orbiting my silhouette like a hedge of protection or field of positive force, maybe a mental flaw or truth of something I saw... and still see. "God is a Spirit and those that worship Him must worship Him in Spirit and in truth." (John 4:24) I was in my early 20's when I read this verse from the Bible, but I had already understood and experienced this regularly for years. I had been alone so often that the only real friend I knew was my Lord. I didn't have any people friends until I was at least 13. I forever lived in my brother's shadow so I often went unseen. Off to myself talking to the Spirits or what I believe to be Angels and past family members watching over us. Some say it's just our consciousness talking, a form of subconscious thoughts that know the difference from right and wrong. Some just don't believe at all, but I know that is not the complete truth. The first time it happened I was really young, two or maybe three, I woke up in the middle of the night, alone in the dark, in fear of what I couldn't see. I reclosed my eyes but the silence only reminded me that I was utterly alone or so I thought. I then heard a soft voice calling my name and I felt a presence standing beside me. I was afraid of the presence, but it was not that I felt it would hurt me, it was more so a respectful understanding. I said "Lord, I'm not ready, I don't know what to do." Even my response was odd, ready for what exactly, teaching people how to be weird? The presence smiled and then dissipated into endless red obs. I quickly drew the covers over my head only to see that under them the orbs followed, they were everywhere. My room lit up bright enough to see it was safe. There was nothing to fear, the orbs covered everything including me. I was warm and felt comfort, all my fears were removed. I was no longer alone in the dark, the silence had lost its bite. I laid there for a second before I began to cry, because I was so happy. I said the prayer my mother taught me. "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray to the Lord my soul He'll keep, and if I die before I wake, I pray to the Lord my soul He'll take Amen." I then thanked the Spirit for comforting me and I fell asleep. A guy killed himself in county jail, I pleaded with his spirit before he moved on. He couldn't find peace he was hurt plagued from disbelief and disappointment. His spirit cried out it woke me from my sleep I got off my rack in my single man cell, only to see another guy up in a sweat. He had a look of terror on his face he said "I just had a nightmare that a guy was telling me to kill myself because my woman wanted another man." I told him to "pray and go back to bed everything will be fine in the morning." In the morning they found the guy from our dreams dead in his cell he committed suicide because his fiancé cut ties from him. One night an angry spirit followed me home, it threw me down a flight of stairs. I was awaken by a beautiful light that led me into my mother's basement bathroom. My forehead split open to the bone, blood was everywhere, I still have the scar as proof. Another night, me and one of my friends were possessed, this was the first time. The control the spirit had over us put fear in the eyes of our friends, we should have stayed away from Eliicott City's "Creepy college" or "The Hell House" as some would call it. My brother's grandmother came to visit us the day after her funeral. She carried a happy anniversary balloon from my parents bedroom and held it in front of the doorway to the kitchen where our family was eating dinner. I said "look grandma said happy anniversary." What makes this event so special is that when grandma came down the steps leading from my parents bedroom. She tripped the fire alarm, so as we went to react to it sounding, we seen the balloon floating in the center of the doorway. I don't think she wanted to die around their anniversary, so maybe it was her way of saying "I love You I'm here." There was a guy that lost his son while he was here in prison. The guy attached himself to me. I cooked and console him he would cry at random his son there at his side. I noticed him, only after he tapped my shoulder. When I turned around he ran knocking my washcloth from off the under bar of the rack. I don't think anyone else noticed it, but I think he just wanted to thank me for comforting his father. Energy It appears to be clear, being in tune make you see, what might seem invisible, becomes reality. So what is a spirit? The wind. Maybe? The Lord knows best so know that its truth a treasure filled chest for me and you.
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A suitable companion
A blessing before my eyes. The Lord's gift from heaven My mate in paradise. She gives praise in the morning and is thankful by the night. She's grateful for our Garden With the Lord and His light. She strives for our Lord's straight path to worship without phase. She fears only Allah's raft To burn in hell's blaze. She loves me for all my qualms because I love her for hers too. She is my energy. As life changing as some of the events in my life were, for example: the several attempts of suicide, having a child of course, losing a child at a young age, my parents divorce, my grandmother's death all three of them, my grandfather's death two of the three because I never met my mother's father, the death of close friends, becoming a Marine, finding out my back is different and will only get worse, all the many ups and downs trying to find true love, my marriage, my divorce, the Lord showing me miracles by instantly answering prayers, and my criminal convictions of course.
Nothing from my memories seem to have a real lasting effect or a clear divide in my life. I only say that because I don't remember what happened early on in my existence. Whatever it was lead me to feel disappointment and detachment from this world. There was a clear divide in my life and ever since then, those feelings never changed. Some time and some place as a child, I found that living in this world was a punishment, because I was different and I wanted out. Today I live, but surely the punishment hasn't changed. The one thing I find joy in I have yet to feel from anyone, including myself. It's the feeling of unconditional love. I question if a love without condition, is in fact an attainable truth? My depression stems from this question because from my perceptions I'm the only one that can't seem to find love. Those perceptions must have led me to this conclusion early on. Love is something I will never obtain in my existence so at that time and from that moment forward I felt detached and I wanted out. Now no matter how hard I've tried to remove myself, I failed, so... I've continued to seek this thing I've defined as love with no change nor resolve. I try to express what I've defined as love in all I do, even in my removal attempts, I thought it to be the loving act to do for others. Why burden others with my unattainable standards and beliefs? How can I expect the norm to be subjected to someone so abnormal in thought and description? All the examples I received from history and entertainment, showed me that being different deserves nothing more than to be ridiculed and or exterminated. So it makes perfect sense to me that I, being different down to the bone, should expect nothing more than ridicule and or extermination. The weirdo is rarely accepted in this society no matter how hard they try. Everyday I try to convince myself it isn't true, even though everyday I get the same results. I seek love, I'm rejected, and I feel like crap. My insanity becomes expecting that one day it will all change. Expecting that somewhere, someone in this judgmentally fueled world, will love me. The seven year old weirdo, in a dimly lit kitchen, so eager to remove himself from a loveless world. What made me feel this way, it's possible I will never find out but, I know I couldn't have hated this world since birth. I wonder what I was like then compared to now. Who was pre-suicidal Elijah? The one who felt at home at peace in a garden I'ma keep it real when it come to poppen steel.
What I wanna brag for Brothers be scared when that blood shed from them bullet holes. Running from the law ain't dope, choked up on coke trying to stay woke paranoid for real, seeing enemies in friends, worried if ya family just love you for them endz Bags on bags adrenaline pumping for the re up All for one day in the club screaming, "we up!" Woman on ya wheels legs open like a drive thru Once you behind bars them same hoes a leave you. Returning only when you get close to release Then beg for ya crime wave to once again increase The Money money make you a dummy dummy Society got strings on you and the crack got them fiends on you. Somebody got to keep it real Even them soldiers hate to pop the steal Country got you killing for a cause you don't feel yeah none of that shit is really ideal talk to me! them past spirits talk to me! Can't sleep cause their blood shed haunting homies! then never know if revenge will catch up for their fallen homies Now our kids got the same beef blood shed keep the cycle in our same streets Today I made you a garden
From it grew for you, your flower. One who blooms only towards the light in you. She has been written perfectly for your uniqueness and you hers. You are like her sun and she your moon. Earth your garden for nurturing and provision. I am forever your friend. She is everything you love in me and you. Love me and love her Remember she is my gift to you. She is your garden for nurturing and provisions You are her gardener. I have made you for her. Together perfect and made with love. |
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