finding myself by: e.l.

At night tears well in my eyes but never will I admit I cry.
Such pain in my prayers when no one's there.
Oh how I hurt for the joy in love the peace in its peace.
How is it what it is unlocated in my self loathing?
The lack of love for my imperfections of self loathing.
Seeking pity in love dragging others down into emotional turmoil.
Can't I pray to love me first aren't I worth a prayer?
All the desire to please others seeking pity in love.
Seeking pity? Implications suggest death is not an option.
Suicide shall not be applied physically but love can never cease.
Somewhere in the middle I reside. Like loving to loath myself while finding peace and joy from others in my pity and prayer.